Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
