Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
