we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
