Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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