if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize