Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
