I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
