Whod you bang
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
