I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
