my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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