So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
