she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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