"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
