My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
