Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
