I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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