you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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