Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
