There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
