life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
