i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A bitchslap is in order.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
