he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
