Where is the hickey?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
