If you die in college, do you die in real life?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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