dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
