I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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