made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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