God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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