You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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