how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
