is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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