look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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