so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
