1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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