All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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