It was confusing and full of hummus
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize