I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
