i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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