I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
