So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
