so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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