I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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