Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
