i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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