God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
