Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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