My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
