the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
