thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
