Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
