You made me cry and you don't even care
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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