Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize