I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
