Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
