I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
