if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
