where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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