I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
