fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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