ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize