oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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