I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am midnight drunk by noon
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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