So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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