and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
