i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
