Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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